So I am in a restaurant enjoying a 1 dollar day out as I am waiting to fix yet another PC toy in a rather well known hotel. The workers here know me and sometimes they ask what I am doing today. Today my candor has earned me a free Sweet Tea. I told them ,” It’s a very simple fix of a power supply.” But, the wait for the part to arrive can be a killer to your patience and mental well being. (Bingo Sweet Tea) The folks here ask me questions and I nicely reply with what to do or who to call. They like a nice techie like me helping them out. (Plus I get sweet Tea) This Is quite common.
As I have said in the past I fix this shit. Simply enough its not completely rocket science, but at the same time it still amazes me that folks will take up an attitude of, “ I don’t have a clue what you are doing.” This is yet another irritant of my job which makes we always wonder why folks are even near a computer if they don’t know what one does or even what a mouse is. I accept that you won’t know how to fix it, but please, learn what you are operating.
If you have a computer, JUST LIKE YOUR CAR, learn a little about it. Read the users manual. It has all kinds of fundamental things you can learn and plenty of shit you can do to avoid a lot of problems ranging from care, to what certain symptoms mean. Case in point: What does your mouse do, and why you have to ‘click’ or ‘drag’ something. Windows (your operating system) has made certain things easy to follow, but please read the fuckin’ manual. Its essential you do so. You are going to need this when you have real trouble, and we can better ascertain what real service is needed if some poor bastard like myself has to come and fix that piece of shit you invested in on a budget.
Now, its well known certain things happen, like this “blue screen of death” I hear about. When you call a tech support guy and scream about how it doesn’t work, and mention this, just remember who you are talking to. This I mention because as you are talking to one of these guys, they’re in another country, or if they are from my country of origin, They are probably underpaid and burned out because they were stupid enough to take this job. Stop screaming. These folks you called are like a waitress, and the golden rule is don’t piss off the server until you get your food. And then, don’t come back if you piss them off anyhow. THEY WILL REMEMBER YOU!!
So how do you converse with one of these fine trained techies?
First of all, be nice. It’s not their fault you bought a piece of shit and are now suffering because you failed to read the fucking manual. Please be nice to them, they are your advocate for service, parts and warranty issues. You want something fixed? BE NICE!!! Being angry at the tech support guy may not get your machine fixed at all, or service may be done that is not necessary. (remember the waitress rule) Worse, they know that manual you were supposed to read, and the warranty by laws better than your lawyer. (or at least they should) and so could find a way to tell you they can’t help you at all. I have seen this many times, and because I get yelled at or get a bum survey, I will be sure to screw you when you’re not looking because you have to vent.
My solution is to vent on a telemarketer. You didn’t call them and you were interrupted from whatever you were doing.
Second, try to give as much information as you can. Do not feel stupid, or ignorant because you tell them something as miniscule as the mouse doesn’t click. All details no matter how insignificant should be conveyed. Chances are, the tech support guy on the other end has a symptom chart and is looking to see what you are describing compared to this. Anything that is missing, and the wrong part is ordered (with your sweet tea) and another trip of wasted time is mercilessly conveyed to your local fixit tech.
Solution here: ask if certain behavior is normal. See if what you are experiencing is what should happen. A yes or no game ensues and if you hear no, ask what that behavior you should be having.
Third, admit certain things. Like, You dropped it. Your husband/wife shot a hole in it. Coffee or coke was spilled. Whatever. They don’t care about your carelessness, they have a call wait time to uphold and again sometimes explaining your stupidity will get you farther along. If you bother to read your manual, the warranty you paid a shitload for might cover accident damage. (which is why I asked to read the manual first)
Lastly, Communicate as clearly as possible anything important like this is only on your graveyard shift, or, What hours you are going to be there. Maybe you are on your way to Aruba and won’t be back for 2 weeks. This is important because they may ask you to call back after your vacation, or perhaps leave your machine with someone who can help troubleshoot over the phone during normal hours. Failing to mention shit like this makes frustration, and then you hate me or the tech support guy. (We aren’t stupid you gave us information and hoped we were from the psychic network. We’re not!)
These are just a few tips to keep me trash talking technology and not any frustrations. I will not do this unless I feel there is need to . Remember, Were overworked and underpaid most of the time. And like the waitress in a restaurant, we will retaliate as only we can.
How’s that tea your dinking? Taste good?
